- Trauma Living
I understand Trauma Living.
However, it can be a process of growth, if you allow it.
It can help you mature, or it can destroy you.
I know what it is like to feel like an elephant is standing on my chest, not able to breathe.
I wanted victory, but felt defeat.
I wanted to be brave, but felt so weak.
I wanted to conquer, to be a warrior princess, but felt fear and apathy. The things that once brought me joy made me feel so deflated. Nothingness, sometimes I felt nothing.
In this last year I have been able to see myself and the journey over the last nine years
I made huge errors. I did stupid, destructive things out of emptiness, hoping to just feel again. I felt completely alone.
But feelings are just that, feelings, and they aren’t always the truth. Sometimes feelings are all about survival mode as your brain and emotions are working out all that you are experiencing.
Your brain and body are working to keep you whole and they work to keep your heart from breaking.
One thing I did not do is stop, I did not quit living this life.
If you are in a trauma life situation, may I recommend:
*When you need to cry, let it out. Be sad and cry, scream, yell, curse, and get those feelings out. Bottling them up just leads to extremes. Sadness or anger are not pretty after being bottled up.
*Many of us put on a game face to function. I had kids watching, I had a business to run, I had people relying on me. It is acceptable to tell your trusted peeps that you are not okay. If they know you at all, they already know you aren’t okay. Might as well be open about it.
*Go easy on yourself. You may do dumb things just to cope. You may hurt others out of your own pain or coping mechanisms. It’s good to say, “I am not myself right now.” “I am sorry.” Forgive yourself as well.
*Forgive others. Watching others go through trauma is so uncomfortable for many. They avoid it like the plague! Many say and do dumb things. May favorite was, “You look so good!” Yeah, I took a shower today, lol!
It shouldn’t be this way. We are made to bind one another’s wounds. This should be a qualified, tangible thing. If we did this, there would be a much softer version of trauma living. Know that many are ill equipped or unable or unwilling to go deep and meet you where you are. Carrying unforgiveness will only compound the trauma. Those you truly need will be there for you. Take note of those people. They are the real deal, so embrace them and bring them close.
*Put one foot in front of the other. I know it’s tempting to stay alone, stay in bed, and there are small windows for that place of rest. But remember it is a place of rest, and not a permanent place to live. Keep on keeping on in life.
*Grab the elbows of those whom you love, those with whom you like how they live. Let them lift you.
*Remember this is the land of the living. Count your blessings and be grateful. Find those things! They exist! Connect with your body and start there. You can think good thoughts, you can take deep breaths, you can feel your heart beat, you can feel things like grass under your feet and sunshine on your skin. Stay grounded in the truth of this life and that it is GOOD! (If I can say that after the many losses in my life, so can YOU!)
*There is a time to think of the past, live in the present, and plan for the future. Don’t get super stuck in anyone of these places. Each deserves it time.
*As my daddy used to say, “This, too, shall pass.” I used to hate it when he said that because I wanted to hold and caress the trauma! But he was right. Trauma will pass if we allow it to.
*Use great tools to help you live! I love very targeted strategies, techniques, and tools that support spirit, mind, and body. Even if you do just one, celebrate it and be consistent with that one, and add the next one when ready. (HUGE fan of specific essential oils that help with trauma and emotions. There is major science behind this and my kids and I KNOW that this works!)
*Ask for help: I know, I know, it’s hard for me to as well. No one loves asking for help. But it is better to give than receive and SOMEONE has to give! You are being a blessing by asking. Don’t forget professionals! There are many types of practitioners out there. (I am a certified practitioner in one type of Trauma release. There are so many options!)
*Have faith, not fear. Fear serves a purpose to protect us, but an over abundance of fear is unhealthy. Keep the faith that you are designed to overcome trauma. Know that it is a journey. Know that you will become more because of it. This may take intentional practice of saying the truth out loud, in your head, and writing it down.
*When able, use the experience to help others. Join support groups, share your story, be kind to those going through trauma. We are here for a greater good, to love and serve others. You will know when the time comes to do this.
Know that I believe in you. I know that you will come through your trauma. You will be forever changed, and there is good coming for you again. Your soul light will shine brightly as it was created to do. You will process put some of the ugly and foolishness that existed and of which you weren’t aware. Bless and release that and rise higher.
My heart knows that you are amazing, you are stronger than you know, you have a hope and a future, and you will one day look back and see this bittersweet trauma time with gratefulness as to who it crafted you to become.
You are loved, held, and guided through your trauma living more than you realize.
- Happy Anniversary to Me
Reflections on marriage after the death of a spouse.
It’s my 4th anniversary single and I did a lot of reflecting when I took myself to the beach 🏖
Marriage isn’t easy for anyone. It’s takes work and commitment, loyalty and dedication, seriousness and a whole lot of fun!
I learned so much being married and wouldn’t have traded this experience for anything. It brought me pain and heartache, joy, love, and tremendous growth.
I must say I love it all. Even unto death do us part.
I wouldn’t be who I am today without these years and I honor every bit of it.
Tomorrow I will give my thoughts on being single again as every August 1st is a new beginning for me.
Thoughts on marriage:
Always Love above all else. It’s the highest frequency and secret sauce to a relationship. Love is learned and takes self sacrifice, knowledge, exercise, patience, repetition, you get the picture. You can never give enough of it or get enough of it.
Be 110% in. Commitment is real. We do NOT fall in or out of Love. Feelings wax and wane, it is when they wane that you dig in and do the hard work, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes without feeling, sometimes easily, sometimes it’s very hard.
Give it time.
Choose to do the next right thing.
Give the tough stuff time.
You will fail! I failed a million times a million! Pick yourself up and get back in the game. Do better next time.
Have great support – Friends that love and support marriage and professional help when needed.
Go to workshops, read books, listen to great resources.
No cheating, just don’t. It’s a reflection of you, not them, always.
Always grow you. Make yourself better as a person. Fill your own cup and overflow to the other person so you are not a martyr, because you can never give from an empty well. No one else can fill you. But you can be filled and overflow and bless and love and it will never be unmatched. Love yourself and the gift of your life well.
Communicate well. Set weekly times to communicate and daily connect. Be open, use I statements. “I feel.”
Consider the partnership. Be a true partner.
Don’t expect perfection.
Do small things for each other.
Do big things for each other.
Get outside together. Be healthy together.
Encourage and build each other up.
Play everyday. Flirt, have fun, play games, laugh, tell jokes, life is too short to be serious all the time! Bring the laughter to the game.
Hug, kiss, and have lots of sex! It’s healthy. Healing, connecting. You never know when it will be over and you will miss those kisses! If you aren’t happy in this, talk gently about it, seek some healthy resources. Find some qualified help. This should be a joy and life giving in a committed relationship.
Grow together, explore new things, approach marriage and the world with wanderlust.
Have plans, but live today. What happens today can change plans, but today is golden!
Say I am sorry a lot!
Don’t hold grudges!
Forgive a lot!!
When you mess up, go easy, and just do the work of making it right.
Give closeness and some room to breathe.
Don’t put another human above your spouse. There are degrees of friendships we all have, but your marriage partner is most sacred.
Hold hands a lot!
Work towards reconciliation.
Always date each other.
Learn tools to make a better marriage.
Head things off before they become emergencies. Keep your eyes wide open.
Guard and protect, love and cherish, respect.
Have fun, have fun, have fun! When you aren’t having fun, look for ways to have fun again.
These are just some of the things I learned.
And sometime, maybe, I just might do it again. I would know it would be a whole new adventure and that is so cool💜
Blessings upon all marriages.
- Forgive – Freedom in Letting Go and Moving On
I’ve had some downright ugly cries these last years. Having been a caregiver of a terminally ill husband, I nearly drowned. I had to fight to regain myself, and learn to find the new me. I was one, with the loss, who had had half of her body chopped off and who wanted to crawl in bed and die. I have made sounds that I didn’t know a human being could make.
Grief is a curious fellow and it takes on many forms, sometimes many times in the same day. Other times one form of grief can stomp all over you day, after day, after day. I am not one to stuff my feelings and work hard to fully embrace them in a healthy manner. I used to stuff them and know the damage that causes and how the subconscious mind will use that to hold me back from living a life of freedom.
That subconscious mind is a tricky one and will cause us to self sabotage in order to protect ourselves from perceived possible pain. Many times, it festers, and we can never figure out WHY we cannot do the things we want to, why we cannot move forward and embrace the gifts being placed in front of us. We become anxious, fearful, agitated, isolated, sad, depressed and cannot seem to move forward. We often act out somewhat irrationally and do not do what we intend to do. We don’t hear the whispers of the subconscious with varying forms of grief attempting to keep us in a bubble.
But what is life without taking healthy risks? Why allow the subconscious and grief to dictate our lives?
We are more powerful than that.
Forgive is defined as:
stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
Breaking down the word, for means in support of and give means freely transfer the possession of something to someone. What if you begin to be in support of freely transferring the anger (sadness turned inward and stored) and resentment over to the offender? What if you freely let that go and no longer possess sadness, anger, and resentment?
Do you need to have a discussion with the offender making them understand and then have reconciliation? Sometimes that may be possible, but other times, it clearly would not be as it would be unhealthy to do so. Other times, like in the case of loss or with a damaged or wounded being, it is just impossible to do this. I think sometimes our unforgivness is a slight attachment to the person because forgiving may mean we are no longer attached. Ponder that for a minute.
Sometimes we forgive, freely hand over the anger and resentment, as an act of release for us. This no longer gives the offender power. It no longer gives the offense power.
My Daddy always said, “Never let another person’s actions direct your behavior.” I propose that forgive is not for the offender or perceived offense. We are the ones carrying the anger and resentment and the burden and emotions that go along with it. There is FREEDOM in forgiveness and letting go. We are releasing, loving forward, and making room for the goodness in front of us that can then come in and take the spaces that the baggage of unforgivness took up. Forgiveness is FOR us. It is a gift for the offended.
I had a conversation this morning with a dear friend who has suffered great tragedy and loss in her life. We talked of Heaven, where our loved ones were, our beliefs, and mostly about love. I became acutely aware of my unforgiveness towards John. I had known for the last 9 months that it was there in the undercurrent of things. Today I say, “I forgive you, John.” For the specifics, that is between us. For the general, I know he did the best he could in this life. He was a fierce and awesome husband, father, son, brother, and friend. I saw the gift of who he is in this world and can only imagine the greater person he is now.
There is FREEDOM found in forgiveness. It is time for me to move forward. I do this with open arms, trusting that I have moved out the baggage of unforgiveness, and made space for the new to come.
Is there someone you need to forgive? Embrace the gift of forgiveness. It is FOR YOU.
Love and wellness,
- Julianne’s Story
Julianne McElroy started her professional life as a school teacher. After becoming a Certified Human Behaviorist, she partnered with a local psychotherapist to teach life skills and relationship strategies to students. As a homeschool parent, she served in a community leadership position.
As a lifelong educator, her goal has always been to teach others and partner with them on their desired paths for learning.
In 2012, her husband, John, was diagnosed with Stevens-Johnsons syndrome an auto-immune condition that destroyed his digestive system from the mouth down, triggered by taking a normal dosing of an OTC pain relief medicine. Subsequently, it was found that he had Mercury poisoning, EBV, Lyme disease, and, cancer. Because of the loss of her husband in 2017, it is her desire that no one suffers the tragedy that she and her children have.
Since that time, Julianne uses her six years of research, mentoring from practitioners, and time spent in the lab with world class PhD chemists and researchers to help others on their wellness journeys. She shares the discoveries through an organizational path she developed for those pursuing wellness.
Ayurvedic medicine is one of the world’s oldest holistic “whole-body” healing systems. As a Certified Ayurvedic Specialist, she is dedicated to others not enduring the same tragedies her family experienced.
As a Certified Aroma Freedom Technique Practitioner, Julianne is privileged to share space with others as she guides them through a process that helps them to release emotional blockages which hold them back in life. She also help people release the emotions that surround trauma through the Traumatic Memory Release Technique.
As Founder and CEO of Lifespring, LLC and a John Maxwell Team member, she is passionate about coaching members in her private community dedicated to their choices on their health journeys. Julianne is also thrilled to spread the message that everyone can “Change Your Mind, Change Your Health, Change Your Life” nationwide working with groups and corporations to improve employee health and wellness through keynotes, wellness events, and workshops.
Currently a student in a Naturopathic Doctoral program, she is sharpening her knowledge to deliver the top wellness strategies to clients. For fun, she enjoys visiting herbal farms, preparing new recipes for friends and family, and searches the globe for tools to help her clients thrive. She knows the power in what has been provided in the world to keep people well and living the best life available to them. She intends to take something tragic and turn it to something beautiful through her community.
By the way, I am not a medical doctor – I am an educator, Ayurvedic Specialist, Certified Human Behaviorist, and a mom. Please know that any information provided on this website is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to prescribe, diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, nor replace current medical treatment or drugs prescribed by your healthcare professional. I choose my qualified health care providers wisely.
The statements made have not been evaluated by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). It is your responsibility to educate yourself and address any health or medical needs you may have with your qualified health care professional. Please seek professional help when needed.